I had this interesting conversation with an artist today that has been swimming around in my head for a bit now. This is an artist whose work I deeply admire and aspire to be more like so I asked if he would be interested in tutoring me and we set up a video call to discuss the possibility of this and from what I thought would be the logistics. I guess in my head I was so wrapped up in not wasting his time and feeling quite honoured that he even made the time for me that I forgot to be present in that moment.
Our conversation was brief but it did feel meaningful and it got me thinking afterwards. He asked me my goals in art and I answered as I assumed anyone would saying 'like most people I would like to be a selling artist etc' he later asked me about my education in art and what other styles I like and said I'd like to try alcohol inks and he said something along the lines of how I was very different from him. This sort of resonated with me for a bit. Although I am excited for what's to come I am nervous and have a feeling of unworthiness. I feel like along the way I lost track of the authenticity and reasoning behind what drove me to pursue art in the first place. I guess it came from a real difficult period in my life where I needed healing and escapism. Art like many people talk about got me through some very dark times and helped me forget the world. However what I always wanted to do with my art was to tell stories and have narative.
There is a body of work i'd like to create that I have been terrified to for a long time. It's been years now but my mission in this narrative was to always tell it when it could visually be represented in the right way. That always meant technically proficient and beautifully. It connects to the reasons why I pursued art and than later joined an atelier. I'd like to be able to tell these stories that helped me heal and present them to viewers to maybe get something out of it. Even if its a brief moment were you forget where you are and just appreciate a story with a child like essence for a second. Although this one narrative has haunted me for years and really consumed a big chunk of my life, completing it and setting it free would be amazing. It would also open me to up the other narratives I would love to explore.
Of course being technically proficient would be amazing but I am also willing to accept it will come in time as I pursue the craft longer. What I don't want to compromise is my vision and my original pursuit of art and the reasonings behind it. Do I want to spend lifetime becoming closer to the greats like Sargent and Rembrandt? Or Do I want to spend a lifetime strengthening my own voice in hopes that it helps others. Truthfully neither answer is wrong and the ideal would be to be able to do both.
It maybe some time before I start this mentorship as we both need to carve time out of our schedules for it but I will keep a log of course of lessons learnt and the process.